i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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