Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
