Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
