did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
