So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
