sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
