my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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