it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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