DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
