A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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