Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
