and you said cock pushups were impossible
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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