I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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