Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
