i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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