You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
