so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
