why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Two words: nipple clamps
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