I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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