every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
