I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
