i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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