i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize