I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize