bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We are two peas in an std pod
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
