if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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