I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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