My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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