By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
