I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
