New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
