Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
