how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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