this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Randomize
