i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
