the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
