how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
