we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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