I'm lost and stupid without you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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