i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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