I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
