true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
