There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
