so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
