do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sex in a hospital.. check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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