is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
