hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize