On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
