Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
