he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
