First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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