You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
