i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
