I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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