I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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