I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
