i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have feelings that need drinking.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
