I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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