I wish life had little blips of pornography
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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