Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Farmville is her only friend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
