remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
