he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.