She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Sorry my hands just texted you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off