Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.