Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
