Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night