It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??