when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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