it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize