No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
