proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
