currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
