you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
