you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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