you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
