Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
