i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
