I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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