i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
