We're facebook friends in real life
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
