just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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