I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
