He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
