Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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