I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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