You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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