i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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