Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
