When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
