did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
