I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
