If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
